Whether or not it’s true, I consider myself a movie “aficionado”, and after watching this movie, I’ve found the limits of what I consider entertaining, and/or art.  This movie is based on true events, and even with that being the case, I still have an extremely hard time justifying it’s recommendation to any single person that I’ve ever met, friend or foe, fact or fiction, Ed Gein or Freddy Kreuger.  This movie is one of the most disturbing movies I’ve ever bore the burden of watching, while all the while, trying to appreciate the film for it’s artistic merits, not letting the true horror of the subject matter sink into me, like no movie I’ve ever watched before.  I’m no virgin to horror, whether it be schlocky C.H.U.D. type films, or borderline torture/porn as they currently like to refer to Hostel or Saw or Cannibal Holocaust in the modern day “hippie rags”, but after this film experience, I will realize that I have found my limit, and even though this film is shot as beautifally as it is, and with as much expertise as it is, this genre fan found his brick wall at the end of the rainbow, and trust me, I’ve found what Geraldo found, the unbearable truth.  If you’re a movie student, watch this film for it’s artistic merits, and appreciate how it can so honestly evoke emotions, but if you’re one of those other folk, either steer clear, or prepare yourself for one of the most disturbing pics ever created.         I’m giving it a 5 outta 5 simply because I can honestly say no single movie has ever evoked the kind of emotion in me that this movie did.  Nothing about this movie’s subject matter is good, nor is the lesson it will teach you about humanity, but all in all, the movie was superbly created, and athough the film was as disturbing as it was, it was a true Hollywood creation, and should be given the credit it deserves.  To be more disturbed after viewing, read about Gertrude Baniszewski after viewing this movie, this is the horrible mother that this movie refers to, and was the woman that the true evil of this movie was based on.

Gearfuse.com

The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Scribd.com  (mirror)

1408 Trailer

On another note, is Samuel L. Jackson in every movie now? It’s harder to think of the movies he’s NOT in at this point I think.

MY MENTAL AGE           

[x] I know how to make a pot of coffee.
Ok, so this one’s a good start then.  How complicated is it to make a cup of coffee?  Does that really show any kind of mental maturity? I learned how to make a pot of coffee when I was 10 years old from my grandma, and I sure don’t feel any more mature for it.

[x] I keep track of dates using a calendar.
What if you have a really good memory and you don’t need to use a calendar?  Are you less mature for having a solid recollection of important things in your life than someone who’s constantly having to be reminded to zip up their fly???  Damnit, I knew I felt a breeze.

[x] I own more than one credit card.
Ok, so this question doesn’t make you mature, it just makes you stupid and/or poor, like me.

[x] I know how to change the oil in my car.
Yet again, this is something I learned when I was about 13 years old and it sure didn’t make me feel any more accomplished as a human being in general. I’ve never done it since I learned how, and even if I chose to do it on my own, I’d rather be doing any of the countless, less mature, things I do on a daily basis instead.

[x] I do my own laundry.
Yes, I do my own laundry. If it was up to me I wouldn’t, and if I was more of a successful adult, one of the first things I’d do is hire someone else to do my laundry.

[] I vote every election.
No, I don’t vote, but I’ve been registered since I was 18 years old. I don’t vote, because I don’t do enough research to feel that my vote would be a responsible one.  I think there are entirely too many people in this country that vote, just because they can, and have no clue about who they’re voting for or what that persons stances are on important things. I think a person who votes, without knowing who they’re really voting for, is way less mature and responsible than someone who votes just because people say they should.

[x] I can cook for myself.
Yet again, I can cook, but I would never do it again if I didn’t have to. I hate it. If it was up to me I would have a live in chef and I would never again learn a single thing about cooking, and then, according to this survey, I would be less mature

[] I think politics are exciting.
I can’t really find anything to be mean about in this statement.  I don’t find politics exciting, but that’s just me. Do I think it makes you more mature for finding them exciting, hell no, but I’m not gonna rip on anyone for getting into them, I’d just rather discuss TV theme songs from the 80′s.

[] balance my checkbook.
Hello? 1995? Yeah, I was wondering if I could keep track of my finances the same way you do?  Yeah, I know that every bank in the known world gives you access to your banking records, checks processed and ATM transactions online, and using a pencil for those sheets in my checkbook is as antiquated an idea as figuring out the best part of the yard to lay down my Crocodile Mile, but I just love it!

[] My parents have better things to say than my friends.
You’re parents are smarter and have better things to say than anyone in your life that isn’t your parents?  Wow, that’s a cute idea, and it makes me think you really love your parents.  My parents would call me ignorant for thinking that it’s not possible to have friends smarter than them, but you go ahead and talk to your parents about everything important in your life and deem their responses smarter than anything anyone else has to say,  I think I’ll just converse with someone else, since I’m apparently wasting my time with you.

[x] I show up for school/college/work every day early.
I’m on time for work because if I’m not, my boss wouldn’t be happy, and I wouldn’t get paid, I’m never on time because I’m mature.

[] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse.
Somebody else always has a pen when I need one.  I keep one in my truck in case I have to drive thru the bank or something, why else would I be more mature if I had a pen?  If my waitress at the bar doesn’t have a pen for me when I get my check that’s her fault and she’s an asshole or some other asshole stole hers, and that’s not a representation of my lack of maturity.

[x] I’ve never gotten a detention.
Just because I was a lame asshole when I was in school, doesn’t mean I’m more mature now.  I bet there are a bunch of people who got detentions when they were younger, who are a hell of a lot more mature than I am.

[] I have never smoked a cigarette.
As far as I’m concerned smoking is classy and shows that you’re mature enough to know that you won’t live forever.  I think smoking makes me more mature.  Children can’t buy cigarettes, so they can’t smoke, and they’re less mature.  Point made.

[] I have never gotten completely trashed.
Now let’s just be honest with each other hear, the most mature people in the world have gotten trashed at least once in their lives! I think knowing just how to balance on that thin line between being completely trashed, and just drinking and having fun, makes me more mature. I pride myself on the fact that I usually regret the times that I get completely trashed, and I think I’m more mature for it.

[] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once.
So, you forgot your own birthday? You weren’t in a coma?  You don’t have a single friend or family member who reminded you?  You’re not wearing a white jacket that ties your arms down tightly to your general chest area?  You’re an asshole then.

[] I like to take walks by myself.
I live in a somewhat city-esque area. It’s all pretty urban, and my walks would consist of enjoying which condomiums allow grills on their balconies and whether or not the local Best Western bar is open. If you live on the beach and you take walks and you think that makes you more mature for it, fuck you. If I lived somewhere nice I’d take walks too.

[x] I’ve watched talk shows.
When I was 15 years old I used to watch Jerry Springer because there used to be some sweet fights on that show, if you don’t think that knocked my maturity level up quite a few notches then you’re just ill informed

[x] I know what ‘credibility’ means without looking it up.
If you don’t understand the word ‘credibility,’ then this whole atricle if probably pretty confusing to you, because you’re pretty slow and sometimes I use ‘sarcasm.’

[] I drink coffee at least once a week.
I think that most people would believe that not getting enough sleep, staying up too late the night before, and having to drink coffee to compensate for that fact makes you way mature. When I worked days I stayed up late every night of the week, and had to drink coffee to wake up every morning, I guess that made me quite a mature fella.

[x] I know how to do the dishes.
When I was old enough to stand up and walk my mom had me doing the dishes. Sure, there was the occassional bowl with a dried out macaroni noodle stuck to the bottom of it, but I was doing them, and that was ungodly fucking mature of me.

[x] I can count to 10 in another language.
I learned spanish in 11th grade from a half retarded, nutjob of a teacher who taught me how to make fried ice cream in and oven, and who nearly had a heart attach when I annunciated the word “pagina” out loud to sound like “vagina” instead of “pa-hee-na.”  The only things I actually still know from that class are counting from one to ten in Spanish, and ironically, the colors, which is ironic because of the fact that I am myself, colorblind, so I can say them to you, but I can’t point them out.

[] When I say I’m going to do something I do it.
Sometimes I forget things, maybe I should get a calendar.

[x] My parents trust me.
I know too many people who’s parents trust them just because they were sneaky enough to get all the really shady things done behind their parents backs, they’re really mature.

[x] I can mow the lawn.
I definitely agree that having the ability to push a motorized object, back and forth in grass, makes you mature.  I do have one friend though who claims to be unable to mow the lawn, her mom said she was slow when she was younger though.

[x] I can make adults laugh without being stupid.
Sometimes, in front of adults, I quote funny and smart things I’ve heard other people say. I deem myself quite mature for being able to mimick the actions of a fucking parakeet.

[] I remember to water the plants.
Fuck plants. I’d rather have plastic ones. You’re a big plant lover?  I’m sure they love living their whole life sitting in your fucking living room, enduring all the various stinks that roll off of you on a day to day basis instead of enjoying the fresh outside air. You’re apparently much more mature than me.

[x] I study when I have to.
I study when I deem it necessary. What’s that you say? You’re a hot chick, you’re single, and you’re giving me the vibe that you’re interested in me? I’ll have everything you tell me locked away in a vault in my mind for however long it takes for me to impress you, and I’ll spiratically quiz myself on things like your birthday, your favorite color, and whether or not you like flowers, because sometimes studying pays off.  Then, after you’ve been convinced those are the kinds of things I’ll remember forever, I’ll forget it just as easily as all the stuff I’ve learned while cramming for any test.

[] I pay attention at school/college.
Sometimes the episode of Scrubs that was on last night was really good.  You don’t watch Scrubs! Stop reading this and go rent the DVDs!

[] I remember to feed my pets.
I don’t have any pets. Do Chia Pets count?

[x] I can spell ‘experience’ without looking it up
Seriously? How old were you when you learned that one? 8 maybe?

[] I work out on a regular basis.
I knew completely idiotic assholes in high school who worked out on a regular basis, I’m sure all those guys though matured there ways into a great place in society currently. Well, either society or prison. Probably the later.

[x] I clean up my own mess.
Before I understood the word maturity, my mom had me cleaning up my own messes, and I still do. I still don’t think I do it for mature reasons though, unless maturity means cleaning up only when I have company, and dusting only when I’m trying to impress a member of the opposite sex.

[] The people at Starbucks know me by name.
People that frequent Starbucks aren’t mature, they’re assholes.  Especially those dicks that bring their notebooks and sip lattes for 4 hours.  That goes the same for Panera too, except Panera has abso-fuckin-lutely nothing of value, and it stinks inside. At least Starbucks has good coffee. If I’m ever a billionaire, I’m buying every god damned Panera Bread in this country, and turning them all into cigarette stores.  I’m not changing the name either, and at a glance the menu will look the same, only during closer inspection will one notice the fact that every one of their shitty bagel and sandwich selections has been replaced with brands and styles of cigarettes.

[x] my favorite kind of food is take out.
Ok, so this question doesn’t even make any fucking sense in this test!  A question earlier gave a maturity point for me being able to cook for myself, then I get another point if really dig take out?  What the hell?  I think that means that if you got points for both of those ones, you’re just a really lazy asshole.  Count me in.

[x] I have gained weight since high school.
Who hasn’t?  Come one now! Does my fat gut make me more mature though?  Actually, that is where I keep all my wisdom.

[] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine.
I sleep enough each night, and I work afternoons, so I don’t have to wake up early, so I don’t need caffeine.  The fact that I live my life in a more effective manner and realize my physical limits, makes me lose a maturity point? Ridiculous, simply ridiculous.

[x] I can go to the store without getting something I don’t need.
You never really need anything besides for food, water and occassionally shelter. Technically, toilet paper isn’t something you need.  Of course, if you didn’t use toilet paper you’d be walking around all day with one of those sick, crusty cat assholes, but it’s not a necessity technically.

[x] I understand political jokes the first time they are said.
I understand them.  They aren’t funny, but I understand them.  If somebody tells me a political joke I’d consider them to have a lack of maturity for not having the ability to read an audience.  I’d rather discuss who you’d rather have as a housekeeper, Benson, Tony Macelli or Mr. Belvedere.  But that’s just me.   Oh, and Mr. Belvedere, definitely.

[x] I can type quickly.
I got a Commodore 64 for christmas when I was in like second grade.  If I wasn’t a quick typist by now, that’d probably mean my parents were related before they got married.

[x] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour.
I’ve known this since second grade when we were supposed to go on a field trip to the Detroit Zoo and it got rained out, when only the day before the weather man had said it was supposed to be beautiful and sunny. Also, The Thundercats was my favorite TV show at the time and I wanted to grow up to be just like Panthro, real mature.

[] My only friends are from my place of employment.
How in the fuck does lacking the ability to maintain friendships make you mature? If this test has taught me anything, it’s that whoever wrote these questions thinks that assholes are the most mature people on the planet.

[] I have been to a tupperware party.
Attending tupperware parties does not mean you’re mature, it means you either have a really boring life, or feel entirely too obligated to participate in things that really really suck, just to make friends happy.

[x] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
I checked this one only because I realize how many people in world suck, which is most of them. There are tons of people in the world that deserve to be taken seriously, who are under the age of 25.  If you don’t think so, you’re part of that group that I hate. I wouldn’t have been when I was 25 and under, but that’s not the point.

[] I have more bills than I can pay.
Ok, this may be one of the only legitimate statements on this whole survey deal. If you have more bills than you can pay, that’s pretty immature, although one could also say that you racked up the bills when you were immature, and now that you’ve matured, you’re just stuck paying them off.

[] All my friends are older than I am.
If you’re one of those people who thinks you’re cooler because you have older friends, you’re nothing more than a pretentious asshole.  Nuff said.

[] I can say no to staying out all night.
I still have my lapses, but this one’s easier to have control over than it used to be.  Not that I don’t still enjoy the occassional all nighter, nor would I think someone less mature for having a bender here and there of their own, I just think it’s less to do with maturity and more to do with the fact that I’m 26 and not 18 anymore.

[x] I use the internet every day.
There are kids in fifth grade today that use the internet on a daily basis. Those kids, surfing their Spongebob Squarepants websites, aren’t fucking mature, I see them crying and picking their asses in stores and malls all the time.

[x] My wardrobe hasn’t changed in a while.
Does my utter hatred for shopping make me more mature?  Yeah?  Cool, point me to the closest country club then.

[x] I can read a book and actually finish it.
I read more books when I was in school, but the less than a hand full I’ve started reading since then have gotten finished.  When I was in grade school, I never sat down with a Dr. Seuss or a comic book without finishing it though, and then I cried that same year when I didn’t get a NES for christmas, so finishing books doesn’t equal maturity to me, it equals only following through with things that I enjoy.

(now add them all up)

Grand Total: Who cares!  Around 5 probably, I refuse to count.

You’re turn!  Now you fill it out and figure out your “mental age”, or just hit yourself in the head repeatedly with something heavy and dense, both will have the same result.

(p.s. – all spelling and grammatical errors were intentional)

Another note, I’ve recently seen the title of this survey changed to “My Marriage Age” instead of mental age. Either way, they’re both ri-god-damn-diculous!

MoviesNoOneShouldSee.wordpress.com

(I’m gonna get this one next.)

ArchieMcPhee.com